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Home arrow Blog arrow Editorial arrow Editorial arrow Some Nonsense about Things Making Sense.
Some Nonsense about Things Making Sense.
Written by Stevie McCleary   
Dec 01, 2011 at 12:04 PM

Continuity. It’s a small thing. Weaved throughout the fabric of everything you see, it binds the narrative of life together. Without it, there is no deeper meaning, no cause and effect, no story. No beginning, middle and end.

And then, pro-wrestling came along. 

 

You’d think it would feature more heavily in entertainment based around long running feuds and with such a wealth of televised archives. After all, if I can remember the history of nearly every wrestler I’ve followed, and most of their storylines, surely the folks who are paid to write it also can? Alas, in the case of the WWE, Vince likes his sitcom writers. He famously hired and quickly fired a continuity editor from Hollywood after he found too many mistakes in what they were doing. Heck, CM Punk had to bring up to Creative that Orton cost him his world title two years prior and he never got revenge, in order to give their Wrestlemania feud some meaning, because nobody else remembered that had happened.

Now I’m not sitting here, trying to be all judgemental – I’m just giving the subject some gentle prodding. Continuity is tough. And while I love it to bits when they actually reference things from the past, I do also get a good laugh when they do things that make no sense. I love the grandeur of pro-wrestling for doing things I’d never allow from other forms of entertainment.

Of course things have often gone too far at times, even if you apply the goldfish memory that they wish you’d have when old enemies suddenly become best buddies. Russo was great for having people turn on their friends every two weeks to the point that you no longer had any reason to cheer or boo anyone. Why would you support a consistent turncoat? And when everybody acts that way, all character gets stripped away from the wrestlers and you’re left with interchangeable shells. Indifference reigned supreme during most of his run booking WCW. You can do a ‘shock’ storyline, that’s exciting. But if it’s all you do, the viewers become numb and nothing means anything anymore.

In more fun news: Nash texted himself recently, during the storyline currently on TV, according to “extra-secret arena security cameras that they only just checked” which is impressive and overly complicated. Considering Johnny Ace is running around texting mystery people, you can assume that’s how that was supposed to play out but didn’t for some reason. But that was the most sense that entire ‘walkout’ story had going for it. Everybody quitting because Raw was in chaos? Yes, they were even foolish enough to reference the Nexus angle a year earlier where they lay waste to the entire roster and attacked refs. Speaking of refs – the refs saying it was the worst they’d ever seen the show immediately took me back to the late ‘90s when they went on strike due to the dangerous working conditions. That was far worse and then WWE.com even referenced that strike, nullifying the impact of the current situation. Let’s not even pay attention to this chaos was pretty much just Miz and R-Truth beating up a few people after being fired. It made the entire roster look like whiners and it’s a strange thing that workers having issues with their unsafe working conditions are portrayed as doing the wrong thing. Gotta stick it to those unions, I guess.

One of my favourite stories that baffled the brain is everything relating to Kane.  He’s the greatest case of this kind of thing. At one point he grew up in a basement and couldn’t talk. And at another he was going to parties and driving drunk and accidentally getting a girl named Katie killed, leaving her prone to I DO NOT REMEMBER WHAT THEY CLAIMED HAPPENED NEXT. They then released a book that was supposed to tie up all the wildly inconsistent plotlines. And …it did. I’ll admit I even enjoyed it. The writer did a great job with what was an impossible task. That made it a fun read, as any writer knows that playing around with restrictions and boundaries in storytelling can be quite rewarding. Of course, soon after WWE then had a storyline which had an entirely different date for the death of Kane’s parents. Oh well. The fact Undertaker actually killed those parents as a child has casually been forgotten as well by most... That’s the problem with only thinking about the ‘right now’- you can do lasting damage to a character, unless people choose to forget or the viewers change. Unfortunately there’s people like me here, having fun with these instances, like with how KPW’s H-Flame (named after a beer) is an alcoholic that D-Hoya sent to rehab. It happened, people. It can’t un-happen.

And just who did raise the briefcase from Austin at King of the Ring ’99…?  The great thing is – many of us can remember these things when Creative certainly can’t. That I find to be most fascinating. I didn’t need to look any of my above points up; I just remember them because I watch wrestling and have done for many years.  And part of me thinks I wouldn’t enjoy it as much if everything did make complete sense. At the very least, it’s interesting. And they say wrestling rots your brain. Pssft. I dare someone stupid to even try to remember all of these essentially pointless facts.

Judging by the natural order of things in WWE’s universe, it’s obvious how all of this ties together and I think it’s all coming to fruition soon. Let me stretch my imagination for a second here. Wade Barrett used to talk about their being a bigger picture. Punk and others have talked about a conspiracy that’s higher than Vince McMahon. I think the answer is obvious and makes complete pro-wrestling sense. We’ve never seen the Board of Directors that all the authority figures constantly refer to. And Johnny Ace is texting somebody a lot…  It’s obvious now that one of them was the anonymous Raw GM (another great mystery) and he’ll reveal himself on an episode soon – as Mark Calloway. In a suit. With the bald head from that leaked picture a couple of months back. Nobody on TV will recognise him but, as per normal, he’ll receive a huge reaction from the crowd. His wife, Michelle Calloway, will turn up to pick him up from work. She will also not be recognised and, as per normal, will receive no reaction from the crowd. He’ll offer advice to people and do everything that a normal businessman would do to keep Johnny Ace and Vince in line. Advice that they should do things like “Rest …in …times like this. Sorry about the gaps in the sentence there, I was distracted.“ Eventually random people like Yoshi Tatsu will recognise him but everyone will stare at them like they’re crazy. Then, after 5 months of this, when heels turn away from him in mid-conversation, he’ll  suddenly do the cut-throat taunt and roll his eyes back – and snap back to normal when they turn back to face him. This will all seem to be building to a big reveal or feud with some major heel.

Two weeks after that, the Undertaker will simply walk out and they’ll never mention whatever happened to the mysteriously and vaguely mean Mr Calloway, or that he even existed.

Russo would be so proud.

Also, I’d like to take back that comment about wrestling not rotting the brain. I’m obviously quite mad. I blame a lack of continuity, Vince Russo, the Black Scorpion and everything that has ever happened on TNA.

If you've got any favourite storylines that were never explained or that contradicted themselves, feel free to post in the comments, I'd love to hear them. Especially if anyone remembers that bizarre storyline in WCW where a straight-jacketed Animal was turning up and attacking everyone. I think I've repressed my memories of it.  

 

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