Putting down in words my three week journey around Chicago is a nearly impossible task. It was a mind-blowing trip, crammed full of amazing moments and several life-changing experiences. It would take many articles to run through the tales I currently have stored up in my noggin, from art institutes to famous landmarks, local cuisine and much more.

But you’d probably like to hear about the wrestling.

My first wrestling-based encounter happened only a day and a half into the trip, when I attended the comic convention known as C2E2. I was still getting used to my new surroundings and shaking off the effects of being awake for over 50 hours on my trip over. Quickly I learned I only ever needed to say one of two sentences – “I’m from New Zealand” and, if they’ve already learned that but I don’t have anything else to say yet, then “I have an accent.” That pretty much got me through the first week, given that the States are fairly similar to here but without enough minor differences to constantly keep you on your toes. After taking in the sights of various beautifully nerdy things, I struck up a conversation with Michael Kingston, the creator of the wrestling comic Headlocked. He’s a cool guy and I can easily recommend his work as an entertaining read. It features covers by Jerry Lawler and future stories will have guest writers, such as RVD. A great look behind the curtain.

Signing next to him was TNA’s Tara (or WWE’s Victoria, if you’re not a TNAddict). I grabbed a couple of photos with her and chatted about her upcoming pizzeria in Chicago. Chi-Town is well known for its deep dish pizza and I definitely look forward to trying hers when I’m next back there. For those who like to know how people are in real life, I can say she was extremely bubbly and a great people person. You’d swear she’d known you for years, only a few minutes into chatting. It made me an even bigger fan, that’s for sure.

One thing I never got around to was chasing down the pizza joint that serves CM Punk themed pizzas. That’s going on the list for next time. I narrowly missed running into Punk himself, along with his crew, hanging at a local comic store called Challengers, by about an hour. Gutting. It seems a lot of the wrestlers frequent Challengers. Probably has a lot to do with it being an amazing store, run by awesome people who know their stuff. But that’s just a theory. You should try that theory if you’re over that way.

The night before hitting WWE Extreme Rules, we took a small road trip to catch Ring of Honor and CHIKARA putting on the Synergy show. This was me introducing my lovely host in the U.S., Ms Guerrero (no relation), to the wonderful world of wrestling. Well, introducing her to the amazing world of abs, at least. She seemed to be entertained, amongst all the swooning. And most importantly to me, she snapped a few pictures of myself and Maria Kanellis. Maria was nice enough and bubbly, but I got to her right before she had to head backstage, so I unfortunately don’t have many stories to share about her (sorry, David Dunn!) but I can say that she’s extremely gorgeous, if quite orange. And those little shorts really don’t hide much. To the point where I actually felt awkward looking at her when I was close. The lovely Ms Guerrero (no relation) and I then spent the next 5 hours debating whether she’s had breast implants or not. Various Google image searches later on that night still did not help to bring the argument to a successful conclusion. One day, maybe the truth will be known. One day.

The show itself was a lot of fun. ROH has a rabid, and frightening, fanbase. We ended up in a section predominately featuring the worst type of internet trolls. It was an experience to say the least. When Davey Richards reached for a mic, the fans (after cheering him) began booing next to us and one screamed “Don’t give him the ****ing stick!”. That was the most polite thing he said all night - he was the epitome of the stereotypical smark, long scraggly hair (slightly balding) and unkempt facial hair, wearing an old school Kane shirt that’s wrapped around his 400-plus pound frame. His sweat pants were clean(ish), in contrast to his face, indicating to me that he still lived in his parent’s basement and they did his washing.

The crowd also really seems to hate Charlie Haas. I mean, they really do. I can’t repeat a single chant in a PG environment but they were obscene. He spent all of the time he wasn’t wrestling flipping the bird at these fans and swearing back at them. It was kinda surreal, the sheer level of aggravation between them. The one good moment that SuperSmark had was when the audience started chanting “You can’t wrestle” at Haas and the rotund troll began firing back all of Charlie’s amateur wrestling accolades back at them. Yes, the crowd members were chanting at other crowd members. I had a giant smile on my face the whole time.

The following night came Extreme Rules. Holy. Crap. It was not only a great show but such a loud, excited audience watching it. Lining up outside in the rain for half an hour was easy with so many excited people around. I fondly remember one guy in the line telling the crowd to save up their “YES! YES! YES!” energy for the show, after constant chants had broken out before we’d even got indoors.

Words cannot describe the atmosphere any more than I could find a way to describe to the lovely Ms Guerrero (no relation) what was happening as a fake Italian put a sock on his arm and poked a reality star in the face with it. Her beautifully quizzical face stuck around during the arrival of Vickie Guerrero, prompting her to ask “Why are they booing a Guerrero?” I did my best to explain. If I’d known she’d turn on me cheering Brock Lesnar, stating he was a bully, and chant for Cena with the kid next to her (who was decked out in full Cena gear) I’d possibly have simply stated “Because Guerreros are liars, cheaters and stealers” and left it at that.

Fun fact: You know when you watch a Superstar come to the ring and then a video of recent events plays? And then we cut back to the arena? That gets played to the crowd as well. Their music cuts out and raises again at the end of the vid, just like it comes across on TV. It’s really weird when it happens while they’re still walking to the ring. Still, no weirder than us getting the FBI warning on the TitanTron as well – Um, not sure how we were going to pirate the show from our seats.

Fun fact 2: I love this one – when they cut to match highlights, the winner usually stands in the ring watching them on the TitanTron too. Punk, in particular, stood there nodding at the bits that looked cool. As soon as it cut back to him, he ran around continuing his celebration like it had never ended.

The ovations for Punk through the night were incredible. Before the show, he appeared on the screen in a pretape, informing the crowd that RAW was coming back to Chicago in September – when he appeared on screen, he got as far as “Hi, my name’s CM P –“ before the roar of the crowd drowned everything out. The entire audience was on his side, enthralled by the action. Seeing people so invested in their hometown hero was a fun sight to behold. Between the comic convention and this, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more normal.

Fun Fact 3: 90% of the crowd were on Bryan’s side until he cut the promo dissing Chicago. Even then, those “NO!” chants directed at him? Mostly done by the same people doing the alternating “YES!” chants. Chicago played the game very well. I had a big goofy smile on my face the whole night. And you’d better believe we all stood and danced to Somebody Call My Momma.

Oh, and I got to fulfil a fanboy dream – as I joined the arena in a wonderful “Goldberg” chant for Ryback.

Chicago. My kind of town. And this only scratched the surface. Let me know if there are any specific questions I might be able to answer and I’ll do that in the comments section or in the next column.