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Home arrow Blog arrow Editorial arrow Editorial arrow Twice in a Lifetime
Twice in a Lifetime
Written by Stevie McCleary   
Jan 31, 2013 at 06:00 PM

If one thing can be said as an irrefutable fact, it’s this: WWE storylines are consistent, logical, and always reward long time viewers.

Said no-one, ever.

Royal Rumble 2013 is in the books. Or online, being torrented by lots of lazy people. And while the show delivered well on almost all of its ideas – great action, surprises, and Big E Langston’s hilarious voice – it also began the important first step down the Road to Wrestlemania. So, naturally, they chose the weathered path of least resistance.

Rock vs Cena at Wrestlemania 28 made them a lot of money. It drew in a large number of fans who were keen to see the match billed as Once in a Lifetime. They even did a documentary about it. This was a big deal – this was going to be your one chance to see these two icons square off and settle their differences, like Hogan and Rock all those years ago. The match itself wasn’t great – Rocky needs a certain type of storyteller in the ring with him, like CM Punk the other night, to truly excel – but it gave paying audiences what they wanted to see: two giants of the industry collide with each other.

And now they’re set to do it again, one year on. Once in a Lifetime Part 2: This time it’s the second time.

We can’t blame them really; it’s easy money. Heck, they can even save themselves cash when it comes to making the promos for the match...just re-use last year’s ones with a bit of extra dubbing. Here’s one I prepared earlier, straight from WWE.com:

Once (or twice) in an era, a Superstar comes along who defines an entire generation for fans and Superstars alike. Once (or twice, stop paying so much attention) in a lifetime, two of these Superstars collide in an epic confrontation (or two) that will forever define their legacies (we’ll probably have a third match).

This is so easy, I’m actually over-qualified to be one of WWE’s writing staff. Oh, don’t be too miffed at my pithy statement, WWE. I bought a Knees 2 Faces t-shirt off your site while copy/pasting that blurb.

I’ll tell you a secret: I read that Kane book they put out, the one that was intended to tie up all the loose ends of his increasingly inconsistent backstory created over the years (He grew up in a basement, eating squirrels and couldn’t speak? He also went to parties and crashed a car he was driving, killing his girlfriend?). As a writer, it’s endlessly fascinating to see how someone takes a convoluted world and tries to make sense of it. Writing within boundaries is actually far more rewarding than without. It’s easy enough to create a basic world from scratch – but to work within the pre-existing structure of a universe? That’s a challenge. And while the book itself wasn’t great, it delivered on its promise. It tied up his history, improved a number of things, and left me occasionally grinning in fanboy glee.

So naturally a few months after the book came out, WWE had a storyline where Kane was tormented by the date of May 19th. The fact that a calendar was taunting him isn’t the issue here – it was that the date was apparently when his parents died. You remember, they’re the ones that were murdered by our hero, the Undertaker. But we forget that, much like how I was supposed to forget that May 19th was not the fateful date in that book. The point of their endeavour in the novel nullified, I at least looked forward to how, each year, Kane would freak out around that date, even though he hadn’t up until that point.

Nope.

Anyway, WWE sticks to what it knows. And that’s running concepts into the ground, and assuming you can’t remember what happened last month. Tough luck, guys. I remember Hulk Hogan being haunted in a mirror by the Ultimate Warrior, where we could also see it at home but the people next to Hogan couldn’t. Apparently, I’m not allowed to forget anything. It’s not all bad though – I also remember things like Boss Man driving off with the casket of Big Show’s dad, leading to Show trying to jump on it. So there’s that.

I’ll be at Wrestlemania this year. Perfectly placed to witness Cena get his win back and return WWE to their status quo of the past seven years, with Cena as WWE champion. At a guess, other than Twice in a Lifetime (So Far), we should get Taker/Punk, Sheamus/Orton, HHH/Lesnar, AJ/Kaitlyn and Dolph/Jericho. That’s if they take no risks and go with the easiest list to write down on a napkin. I look forward to seeing how my predictions play out. I suspect the World Champ will probably have a match as well. Gotta have something to open the show, after all.

I, for one, am looking into the future. Way past Wrestlemania 29 and towards the next time we’ll see Rock vs Cena after that. I imagine it’ll be called, and performed at the opening of the show by Lionel Ritchie, “You’re once...twice...three times a lifetime.” Then they’ll embrace. Hey, you know true love always wins in the third act. Aaaand...scene.
 

Before I go, nestled at the bottom here I’m going to pimp the PledgeMe page for the Fringe Festival show I’m in. I’m going to pimp it right here. Your support will mean you supported us. And that’s the best support of all. You can also come see the show, if you’re in Wellington. That kind of support is pretty cool too.

Saturday, April 19
- WWE Raw (10.15am, the BOX)

Sunday, April 20
- WWE Raw (3.45pm, the BOX)

- WWE Main Event (6.15pm, the BOX)

- WWE SmackDown (7.05pm, the BOX)

- WWE Main Event (11.50pm, the BOX)

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