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Home arrow Television arrow 2013 Stories arrow Impact: Turning the tables
Impact: Turning the tables
Feb 10, 2013 at 06:00 PM

A pack of unmasked Aces and Eights entered the ring to start the show this week on Impact, with only their muffle-voiced Vice President still hiding his face.  Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco outlined their reasons for siding with the gang, and Devon issued a warning to Kurt Angle: don’t come back to the Impact Zone.

Elsewhere, Tara and Jessie confronted Brooke Hogan over their lack of appropriate celebrity treatment.  Brooke responded by stating that Tara would face Miss Tessmacher, and Jessie would be banned from ringside.

The first match of the night was for the X-Division championship, with two contenders – Kenny King and Zema Ion – taking on champ Rob Van Dam.  This was a fantastic display of what makes the X-Division great, with plenty of fast, spinny-kicky action.  King was smug, Zema was mean, and Rob was the calm, collected professional who kept his head in the game – stealing a pin on Zema from right under Kenny King’s nose.

Backstage, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode continued to cement themselves as my favourite tag team with some great we’re-equals-but-I’m-still-better chatter.

We caught up with the British Boot Camp contestants.  The winner of British Boot Camp is Rockstar Spud, who was set to address the Impact Zone later in the evening.

In a meeting room, Bruce Pritchard and D-Lo Brown discussed their mutual shock at Wes and Garett’s sudden yet inevitable betrayal.  Both expected there would be hell to pay when Kurt Angle returns.

Jessie appeared in the ring to give the audience what they’d come for – from his point of view.  As the reality TV star showed off his fine musculature, Cowboy James Storm entered to give the crowd what they’d really come for – some beer-drinking and an old-fashioned beat down.

To Jessie’s credit, he got some offence in.  Just not much.  Storm hit all his finishers in a row, and it was over.

We were treated to another set of awesomely candid promos from some of the Impact stars, including Magnus, Bad Influence, RVD and Christy Hemme talking about life on tour.  This was a really eye-opening but not story-breaking insight into the people we tune in to watch every week, and I hope it continues.

Austin Aries and Bobby Roode then faced Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez for the tag team titles.  Aries’ night got off to a bad start as he was introduced to Roode’s music.

The match started off with a display of classic wrestling skills by Aries and Guerrero, but this was clearly not going to last.  Aries’ speed couldn’t save him from the might of Hernandez, and Roode had to step in on occasion to save the day.

Team Greatest It Factor in the World swung wildly between good cohesive tag-team tactics and messy, uncoordinated mistakes, but once Chavo was the legal man they unified enough to deliver a beat-down.  Hernandez took over again to put the champs on top, and Chavo re-entered to try to take the victory with the Three Amigos on Aries.

Bobby Roode was so frustrated that he stormed from the ring – but as Chavo lined up his finisher Roode returned to spoil it and allowed Aries to nail the win with a 450 splash.  We have new tag team champions – and Aries and Roode’s quest to collect all the gold is off to a roaring start.

Backstage, Bully and Sting prepared for their own tag team match with Brooke in attendance.  Hulk Hogan entered, and Sting diplomatically left with Brooke so the men could talk alone.  Hulk told Bully that this was his chance to prove he’s a good guy.  Again.

Just in case you’d forgotten about poor old AJ Styles, we then saw a brief promo of his year from hell, and his decision to do things his own way from now on.  Come back, AJ!  The Impact Zone is way less pretty without you!

Tara then faced Miss Tessmacher in a non-title match.  Tara was completely distracted without the security of her boo Jessie ringside, even wearing – and sniffing – one of his shirts when she entered.

Tessmacher did her best to take advantage of Tara’s emotional disturbance, but Tara has experience, skill and a vicious streak a mile wide so it wasn’t all Tessmacher’s way.  Eventually, though, Tara seemed to snap and left the ring looking for her man.  Tessmacher pursued her, dragged her back into the ring, and delivered the Tess Shocker for the win.

JB then introduced the winner of the British Boot Camp, Rockstar Spud, an adorable wee thing with a cute accent and a larger-than-life personality.  This could only mean one thing: an interruption by Robbie E (accompanied by Robbie T), whose own rampant ego had detected a potential threat.

Robbie E called Spud’s TNA contract win a travesty – while safely hiding behind an increasingly unimpressed Robbie T.  Unfortunately, Big Rob’s clipboard slipped from his hand and he had to bend over to pick it up – leaving Robbie E exposed to a mighty smack in the mouth from Spud.  As Robbie E gave his best “WHAT?” face, Spud and Big Rob did a little victory dance.

Bully’s moment to prove himself arrived, and he and Sting entered to face off against – naturally – DOC and tables-match veteran Devon. 

The heroes dominated early on, but DOC, as easily the biggest man in the ring, was able to get in a few hits of his own.  Unfortunately, Devon then received a flying headbutt from Bully to his … lower abdomen … and Sting, and the crowd, called for the tables to come out.

Of course, just because one team gets the first table out doesn’t mean they get to put someone through it.  DOC saved his sergeant-at-arms and nearly tabled Sting into the bargain.  Sting went to avenge himself by superplexing DOC through the table, but Mike Knox ran on in the nick of time to move it out of the way.  So DOC only took a normal superplex.

Sting and DOC had done their dash at this point, and the two brothers-from-other-mothers were left alone in the ring.  With a table.  As Devon tried to grind him down, Bully drew on his father-in-law’s mighty legacy and completely hulked out.  Devon took a big boot to the face, and went straight through the table moments later.

The Aces and Eights had to slink away, defeated, and Hogan father and daughter arrived to congratulate the victors.  All is well once again in the Impact family.

… for now, of course.

Impact Wrestling Results:

  • X-Division Championship:
    Rob Van Dam (c) def. Kenny King and Zema Ion
  • James Storm def. Jessie
  • TNA Tag Team Championship:
    Austin Aries & Bobby Roode def. Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez (c)
  • Miss Tessmacher def. Tara
  • Tables Match:
    Bully Ray & Sting def. Devon & DOC
Saturday, April 19
- WWE Raw (10.15am, the BOX)

Sunday, April 20
- WWE Raw (3.45pm, the BOX)

- WWE Main Event (6.15pm, the BOX)

- WWE SmackDown (7.05pm, the BOX)

- WWE Main Event (11.50pm, the BOX)

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